Transition from Training

Last Thursday, our 36-person group was sworn-in at the ambassador´s residence in Panama City, and became the first in several years to have every trainee make it all the way through training. The ceremony was a formal affair, with speeches given by the Ambassador, the Peace Corps Panama Country Director, a representative from ANAM, a Panamanian environmental agency, and two trainees from our group.

(all of group 64, EH and Community Economic Development)

During the ceremony, we all had a chance to stand up, introduce ourselves and say where we would be serving. I was filled with an inappropriately maternal pride for all of our volunteers, with their much-improved Spanish, previously-unworn, fancy shirts, ties, dresses, and visible eagerness to see what the next two years will hold. We´ve grown so close over the last ten weeks that it´s hard to believe we´ve only been here since August. The intensity of this experience brings people together in a unique, unexpected way. When I signed up for Peace Corps, the process I imagined didn´t involve friends. But training has been an almost completely group experience, which is odd when you consider that it´s preparing us for one of the most solitary, self-directed jobs on the planet. Our environmental-health group spent this past weekend after swear-in together at a beach town, enjoying each other´s company for what will be the last time until February (for most of us). I feel lucky to have landed among group of exceptionally caring, thoughtful, intelligent people. But we all felt sad to be leaving each other. The reality is that many of us live at different ends of the country, or are difficult to get to, and we´ll never be able to keep in as close touch as we´d like. As we move on and into site tomorrow, it´s hard to imagine life without the immediate support system we became so used to.

(the five EH girls. Four of us lived up on the hill in Santa Clara, and spent many-a-walk debriefing, oversharing, and offering emotional support/reality checks as needed).

Most everyone is nervous, some borderline panicky, about returning to site. We arrive with nothing specific planned, no immediate assignment, and the responsiblity of directing ourselves, and eventually hundreds of strangers in a country, language, and circumstance that is foreign to us.

It is easy to become bogged down in all the anxiety. I came back from site visit feeling overwhelmed, underqualified, and uncertain about what I could offer my community. But, as I was reminded today, this is the part we all signed up for, to offer support to communities who want it, to live as the only gringo in rural communuties no one´s ever heard of, and to put ourselves in situations that we could only experience here. And I came to Panama partly to test my limits. Tomorrow, when I arrive in my community, it´s for good this time (but not forever, Mom!). I am ready to stop saying I´m going to live in Panama for two years when I explain and introduce myself. Going to live refers to the future. I live here now. Even though I felt intimidated by my responsiblity to my community, I also realize that there is no amount of training that can prepare you for what PC life is like. I know enough. The rest of it will come as needed.

We are encouraged to stay in-site for a few weeks at the beginning, so updates could be scarce. But stay tuned, and in the mean time, I´ll be taking notes and ready to assume a regular blogging schedule again. Comments, questions, and emails are of course always appreciated and encouraged.