Monday, June 28, 2010
The Best-Laid Plans
I was talking with another PCV the other day on the phone, and told him that it´s clear to me now that we must cycle through at least three dates for an event before we actually do it. People cancel, don´t come, or something comes up and I can´t make it. Here is an example of what last week was like for me:
Tuesday: Planned a self-esteem and values charla in the junior high. Actually did it! Score! It was so-so. My audience wasn´t quite captive.
Wednesday- At long last, the second planned day for our water-level survey. This takes all day. At 8:30 when the President had not yet arrived at my house to begin working, I called him. ¨I have another commitment.¨ That came up awful fast. He said he was ready to go when I went and confirmed Tuesday afternoon. We agreed to do it Sunday. Our other worker, who arrived on time, was unable to do it Sunday. You need at least three people to work with the water level, four is better. I´d have to spend some time chasing down some other people for Sunday.
I was later met by my counterpart, who asked me if I had plans for Thursday. I had reserved that day to prepare a training for Friday about disease transmission with my latrine committee. He informed me that the next day a Bocas organization was holding a meeting in my school, and could I please house 8-12 people on Thursday night? And could I also please attend the meeting on Thursday and Friday morning because ¨movers and shakers¨might be coming, and there could be potential funders for our latrine project. I agreed, but ask him, what about the training we prepared for Friday morning? We agreed to change the date.
Thursday- Sat-in on meeting. Did not need to be there. Brought four participants back to my house in the evening only to realize my rain-water tank had been left open by kids and I had no water for them to bathe with. Luckily, my first host-dad was there to witness my discontent. He will hopefuly speak to his family who comes to use the water to wash their feet when they arrive barefoot from arriba. Leaving the faucet running is a rain-water tank is not good.
Friday- Training session cancelled. Sat-in on rest of meeting. Still not needed.
Saturday- Cleaning of water tanks and spring box planned for the morning. Especially motivated to do this because the aqueduct´s operator told me he had climbed naked into all three the day before to dislodge blockages. Please pass the bleach.
Too few people showed up, so we could not clean the spring box because at least six men are needed to lift the cement tops. We settle for cleaning the reserve tanks, which I pointed out is a little silly if what is arriving from the source is still dirty, but to clean something is better than nothing. Then I see that the aqueduct president did not bring any bleach, only dish soap. I point out that this is not sufficient, bleach is needed. He mutters some excuse. He responds poorly to criticism, especially if anyone else is around, so I bit my tongue and started scrubbing and catching the live crabs that were being thrown out of the water tanks.
I am glad I drink rain water now.
So in the afternoon, we were supposed to have our first English class since the recess began in March. As I was hiking down from the tanks I pass a member of my latrine committee on the path going up. She had the days confused about our training, and thought it was for Saturday. She asked me why I made her walk for no reason! I cleared up the confusion, and asked her what about the English classn in the afternoon? Because I was only expecting 3-4 students, her presence was important. She tells me my other star student was in Almirante and would also not be coming. We agree to cancel the class and pick another day to start over.
Do you see? Some weeks are like this. Despite preparation and plans, none of it actually really happens. Oh well, we´ll try again this week.
Monday, May 31, 2010
PML- The artful execution
Time and Money Management: In this session, partcipants practiced using an agenda to manage time and worked with personal budgets to help them think more critically about how to save and spend their money. For poor farmers, who see most of their yearly income in the course of a few months of cocoa seasion, this session was invaluable. Many identified it as the most useful.
Bucket-Filling: So we all have a bucket...This session is basically about positive reinforcement and encouraging people through sincere compliments. Your bucket is full when you feel appreciated and valued, and empty when you feel the opposite. Kind of touchy-feely, but who doesn´t want a full bucket? PCVs love this activity, and it´s amazing/hilarious to do it with Ngobes, who are completely unaccustomed to the idea of positive feedback. So after Cat and I did a demonstration, with actual ladels and buckets of water, we gave everyone an envelope, markers, tape, and Post-Its. They wrote their own names on the envelopes, and wrote anonymous bucket-fillers to their group-members, Cat, and me. They were clearly tickled and I plan to find more ways to sneak bucket-filling into whatever community activities I have.
Are you wondering my people think of me? Here is the most forcefu bucket-fillerl, written without puncuation, in stanza-like form: Cati, pretty, white skin, blue eyes, I love you Cati.
Well that´s nice.
Agency Interaction: Here we went over the how-tos of working with agencies, mostly having to do with phone etiquette and how to prepare for meetings. We did role plays for each participant, having to make an appointment by phone call, how to arrive at the office, be friendly with the secretary and act professional in the meeting with the agency rep. Some of them got quite into it, donning costumes and fake names. Others were overcome by nervousness and giggles and could hardly keep it together.
The takeaway: I had pre-emptively apologized to Gary, Peggy and Cat for what I aassumed would be a gross lack of participation and interest on my community´s part. No one was enthusiastic about going, I felt they didn´t really understand why I invited them, and were less-than-pleased about donating two full days to one of Cati´s causes, which they referred to as a ¨meeting¨despite my insistent use of the word ¨workshop.¨
I am thrilled to my core to say that I was completley wrong on all accounts. They exceeded my expectations in every way. They listened, and really listened, participated actively, had fun, and learned a lot. We received hugely uplifting feedback, and they asked me to do some similar charlas in the school because they´ve never a training so well-prepared and useful, they said.
My month of preparation, stress, and moments of literal physical pain were worth it. So many times I question my value to them, what impact I can possibly have, and if perhaps I made a mis-step embarking on one of the most naive journeys one can take on this side of sanity. But just as many times, I´ve learned what it is to actually feel your heart swell for people. To be so surprised and delighted that all you can do is grin and admit you were wrong. This definitely fell into the latter category. I view the concepts taught in PML as a useful stepping stone and reference port for all future work with the committees, and I am grateful it went off without a hitch. Maybe now they´ll even be a little more eager for the next ¨meeting.¨One can dream.
Monday, May 24, 2010
PML: The build up
I had been very clear with everyone when I initially invited them that they had to tell me if they couldn´t come, because I was looking for donated materials, had to buy food, and had invited other PCVs to accompany me. I needed an exact number of participants. Earlier that week, my counterpart Lucas and former host-dad Angel had stopped by my house. They were both supposed to participate, and Lucas was supposed to help me facilitate some sessions, as he had attended this Project Management and Leadership (PML) workshop in March. We had a conversation that went like this:
Lucas: So, I can´t come on Saturday, I have another committment. But I will definitely come on Sunday.
Cati: What are you talking about? I gave you a month´s notice about this, and you were really enthusiastic about offering this training to the groups.
Lucas: I know, but I forgot I have this thing...
Cati: What´s the thing?
Lucas: A baseball game we´re playing, and I have invited a lot of people, and so now I have to go.
Cati: THAT IS NOT A COMMITTMENT THAT IS AN AMUSEMENT!!
Angel: Yeah...Cati, I am not going to come on Satuday either...
Cati: Huh?! What? I told you earlier I needed you to tell me if you couldn´t come last week. Why can´t you come?
Angel: So much work in the finca!
Cati: But I already bought all the materials, the food, and I have agendas to gift to every participant. And if you don´t come Saturday, no agenda.
Angel: Oh? An agenda? Okay, I will come.
I felt deflated. Lucas left me high and dry, and Angel was only coming to collect his gift. I had spent almost the entire month of May preparing for this workshop, and was displeased to see a lack of enthusiasm and understanding. This seminar is something I really believe in and am enthusiastic about teaching, and I wanted them to be enthusiastic about it too, or at the very least, show up. I was in a huff the day, but thankfully, Lucas came by later to apologize for his short-sightedness, and told me the workshop was a priority, and he would be there. We planned our sessions together, and I felt excited again.
Fast-foward to Wednesday. I am in a panic thinking no one remembers about the workshop this weekend, and I am wondering how many houses I can hit without putting on boots and getting my foot dirty. I arrive at one of the water committee members houses early. He and his wife are in foul moods because their water got cut that morning for lack of payment. He tells me he can not come. I shoot him my most withering gaze, and hobble off, round-shouldered and flustered. He also had a month notice and explicit instructions to tell me if he couldn´t be there. Two other members of the water committee couldn´t come, and I was wondering if I should cancel the seminar all together. I didn´t want to waste other volunteers´ time, and I didn´t want to have to do the seminar again just for them. I had planned much of it with the aqueduct committee in mind.
I arrived at a house just before the water committe president´s home. I fell backwards twice on their hill, once with my back landing hard on the sharp edge of a rock. They laughed, and I wondered to myself if I might actually cry. It was throbbing and I was already on-edge about everyone having forgotten about this workshop. I head to the President´s house, and he isn´t in. I fall again, in front of his dad and a teacher from the school who rents a room there. The teacher gets a glass of water and starts cleaning my arms, while they both mutter ¨Pobrecita¨in between pitying glances. I explain that Willy, the president, HAS TO confirm with me that day that he is coming, otherwise I think I might cancel the whole thing.
On my way back to my house, with a bruised ego and feeling less-than-thrilled with my community, I run into another member of the aqueduct committee, Rafael, who had forgotten about the seminar, but confirms he will come. I ask him to relay the mesage to his sister, who I was almost sure would come anyway. He agreed.
That night Willy, the aqueduvt pres., arrived, and told me that he cried that day because his father told him that if he couldn´t attend the seminar, Cati would go back to the United States, and that she was very angry with everyone. I, of course, said nothing of the sort, but I am guessing by the pain and furstration written on my face when I was there in the morning, he figured he should at least throw in something dramatic to help sway Willy to my side. Willy said he had church on Sunday, and hadn´t been in a month and really wanted to go. He is the town´s only Jehovah´s witness, so he has to take a bus to a nearby town to attend services. It is an all day affair.
I rallied. I had to be persuasive, take advantage of those tears he had shed on my behalf. I delivered a motivational speech about being a proactive leader and seizing this once- in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn about how he can be better and instigate change on an individual, group, and community level. I told him he is already a great leader, and has accomplished a lot for the community, but that every group has problems, or obstacles, and this workshop will help him figure out how to overcome them, and have a better functioning group. And once he has that, he can have more success working with government agencies. I fed him dinner, and at the end, I asked if I had convinced him. He said yes. Great success.
Fast-forward to the morning of the seminar. A PCV couple, Gary and Peggy, and one of my PCV neighbors, Cat, had arrived the previous afternoon, and we had done some final preparations and planning. We were heading to the school to set up, when Julio, another attendee, meets me at the door of the school.
Julio: Cati, I don´t know if I can come. I have an obligation with the church.
Cati: With the church? What is it?
Julio: Do you want me to come? If you really do, I will.
Cati: Of course I want you to come.
Julio: Today I have to decide between God and Cati.
Cati: Oh, um, that´s a lot of pressure.
Julio: I am choosing Cati.
Cati: Wow, thank you. I am very grateful. That means a lot.
Julio: But I will pray for His forgiveness for you, and myself.
Cati: Good, I will pray for us too. Thank you for coming!
I usher him in. The first hurtle of the day was beating God. Now that I´ve done that, what can get in my way?
The two women I asked to cook the day´s snacks and lunches have arrived. They advise me that the water is out in the school, and ask how can they cook? I had water in my house that morning, so I walk back along the line and see a broken tube just below the school shooting water up into the air. We cannot be without water. I run to the aqueduct VP´s house, who could not attend due to a sick son, and I plan to BEG HIM to repair to the tube, even though he always refuses to do any kind of maintenence or repair work. I talk to his Mom. But he had already left for Almirante. He couldn´t do it. I eventually solve this problem by closing the valve for the water for the school, and ask one of the cook´s son to haul water from his house. He agrees and I promise him lunch.
Many people have arrived. I am waiting on one young man named Gregorio, who is also part of my Panama Verde group. I didn´t go to his house on Wednesday, because he has previously assured me he would be there with 100% certainy. I ask Julio where Gregorio is. It is already 45 minuites past starting time. He says Gregorio left for Punta Peña, a community 90 minutes away to visit his mother the other day. He won´t be coming.
I steam. I ask Julio if he knows about Rafael and his sister Amalia. He says ¨ They told me they would try to come.¨Try to come? I step outside to take a deep breath, and just as I do, I see them climbing the hill from their house. ¨GOOD MORNING MY CATI!!!¨Amalia yells. And just as she does, I see Gregorio, coming up the path.
Everyone actually came. We were ready to begin.
(To be continued...)
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Not exactly the 9-5 Dolly was singing about

Monday, January 25, 2010
So what exactly is it that you are doing?
The cornerstone of Peace Corps and sustainable development revolves around the idea that I teach as I go along, and that the community participates, plans, and manages its own project with my help. If they do this, when I leave, the knowledge and skills they have gained will stay, and the can continue forward in the future.
It´s a great idea, but it´s harder than it sounds. There are plenty of people in my village who believe all gringos are bad guys, who still don´t invite me in when I come to pasear. Many children and adults alike thought I came to take their kids back to the United States to be sold. Some think gringos eat people. A fellow volunteer lives in a community where everyone thought she was a spy and didn´t want to share anything with her for fear of where the information was going.
I´ve come a long way in my community since I arrived at the end of October, but you can see why the first step of building relationships is so important. We are up against a lot of ugly history, cultural boundaries, and foundationless fear and rumors. The first step of our Environmental Health project framework is to motivate and organize community members. To help them form committees, understand how to run meetings effectively, and to get people to actively participate in their own development. People in my community rarely attend meetings, and those who do are the same people over and over. Most of these people view ¨the community¨as only the 30-ish houses nearest the road, and ignore the remaining 65 that are spread out over hills, across rivers, and as far as two hours or more from the street. To advise every house of a meeting requires at least four days of walking. The disperese nature of the community, and the overall lack or motivation and organization will be one of my biggest challenges.
Such work is the first goal of the Environmental Health framework. The other two revolve around water and sanitation. Depending on the needs of a community, EH volunteers may educate existing water committees about the maintenence of an aqueduct, basic aqueduct theory, trouble shooting, waterborne diseases and better managing of time, funds, and meetings. This is a huge felt need in QP, where broken pipes go unfixed for weeks, some houses connected to the aqueduct have been without water for months, and for the fun of the ick factor, our water reserve tanks have crabs and sometimes worms inside of them.
I attended my first water committee meeting this past week, and while it was an experience that was at times frustrating, and I still battle with Getting People to Listen To Me, it is also heartening because I know I have the ability and resources to help them in many important and sustainable ways. EH volunteers also help to plan for and design other water systems, be it aqueduct lines or rain-water catchment. About 70 percent of my community is without running water in their homes, and use springs, creeks or wells (many of which are extermely dubious) for drinking, cooking and wash water. I am still thinking about what can be done for these homes. They are all so spread out, it is impossible that one water system could serve them all, and they also lack organization of any kind. They tell me they want water, but they haven´t come to meetings, or done anything other than voice their need. Beginning to work with some leaders in small committees and planning for a future project, or at the least, rain-water catchment systems is something I hope to do as well, though as I see it now, it cannot be my first priority.
Santitation is the other element. EH volunteers educate about fecal-oral transmission pathways, and essentially, promoting the construction, proper use and maintenence latrines. In Bocas, living in an indigenous community, this is another element where cultural understanding is key. Most of our technical sanitation training revolved around building and promoting compositng latrines. In my community, only about 10 percent of houses (generous estimations) use latrines, and those are full or poorly maintained. All of them are pit latrines, and most of them have buckets of wash water to clean with after use. Toilet paper is used by only a few families, and the others have no interest in it becasue they feel cleaner using water.
Which is a problem for composting latrines, which must be kept dry. It is also a problem because so few houses have a nearby water source, so they are extremely unlikely to use composting latrines if they could just go to the creek, or in the woods, and wash afterwards. I am realistic about the fact that, right now, I know of only about five families who would properly use and maintain a composting latrine. For most, pit latrines are a better option. In time, many will be ¨ready¨ for composting latrines, but as of right now, few people have identified them as a priority.
I am running into a small problem because my counter part solicitied PC for the specific purpose of a compositing latrine project. He knows they are better for the environment, last longer, and of course produce a fabulous compost for the finca. I think he is unrealistic about the scope of a project we could undertake in QP, as he is comparing our situation to one in a nearby community where 35 latrines were built by a PC volunteer. But this is my job: assessment, and then education and promotion. I have plenty of time to gauge genuine interest (and not just what he claims when he went around and told everyone I was coming to work on composting latrines) and feasibile success rates. Many volunteers have built latrines in Bocas that went unused or were unfinished. I would hate to do that.
So that, in short, is what EH volunteers will do, and as I wrap up my community analysis, what I am imagining for my time here in Panama. As always, leave me questions in the comments.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Transition from Training

(all of group 64, EH and Community Economic Development)

(the five EH girls. Four of us lived up on the hill in Santa Clara, and spent many-a-walk debriefing, oversharing, and offering emotional support/reality checks as needed).
Most everyone is nervous, some borderline panicky, about returning to site. We arrive with nothing specific planned, no immediate assignment, and the responsiblity of directing ourselves, and eventually hundreds of strangers in a country, language, and circumstance that is foreign to us.
It is easy to become bogged down in all the anxiety. I came back from site visit feeling overwhelmed, underqualified, and uncertain about what I could offer my community. But, as I was reminded today, this is the part we all signed up for, to offer support to communities who want it, to live as the only gringo in rural communuties no one´s ever heard of, and to put ourselves in situations that we could only experience here. And I came to Panama partly to test my limits. Tomorrow, when I arrive in my community, it´s for good this time (but not forever, Mom!). I am ready to stop saying I´m going to live in Panama for two years when I explain and introduce myself. Going to live refers to the future. I live here now. Even though I felt intimidated by my responsiblity to my community, I also realize that there is no amount of training that can prepare you for what PC life is like. I know enough. The rest of it will come as needed.We are encouraged to stay in-site for a few weeks at the beginning, so updates could be scarce. But stay tuned, and in the mean time, I´ll be taking notes and ready to assume a regular blogging schedule again. Comments, questions, and emails are of course always appreciated and encouraged.