In which Cati tries to admit failure and is then informed that is not allowed.

A few months back, I sent my youth group, Panama Verde, to a camp which they completely enjoyed. They came back energized, motivated, and with a better understanding about how the chapters of this group functioned nationwide. I thought we had a breakthrough. Unfortunately, right after the camp, I had to spend a few weeks out of site for other work-related reasons and missed the chance to really take advantage of their enthusiam.

As soon as I returned, though, I held a meeting so we could talk about all our grand plans for the future. They had returned to the borderline catatonic states they were in pre-camp. Only two members participated or showed much desire to be there with me. So many people came late to the meeting, that we didn´t have any time to accomplish what was on the agenda before they had to leave to go to class. I talked to them briefly about I want them to feel ownership of the group, and if they want to accomplish anything, they need to take more initiative and leadership. I asked them to think seriously about whether they really wanted to be in this group and were ready get to work. Because if we continued having meetings in which nothing was accompished, activities which no one attended, the group would go nowhere, and eventually flicker out completely.

One of the motivated members was charged with the task of talking to the other members to see where they stood, and if they wanted to continue, coming to me to plan the next meeting date. I heard from her later that no one else besides her and one other sometimes-member wanted to continue with the group. I could hardly believe it, but was glad at least to have a definitive answer. I could stop wasting my time and refocuse my energies somewhere else.

Then, the regional coordinator of Panama Verde came to me, saying there was another camp in the mountains, and two members from my group were invited. I explained what happened in my community, and that the kids explicitly said they did not want to continue and the group disbanded. We hadn`t met in months. She immediately sprung into a long-winded explanation about how my group is not allowed to fail because of this, that, and the other thing, mostly involving about how it would be an inconvenience for her. She handed me the camp permission slips and told me to call her when I had two jovenes, young people, who would go. I had two days.

This rubbed me the wrong way. Panama Verde was a side project, not my main one, and she was asking me to pour a lot of time and energy into re-forming the group in the next few months. She had no idea how difficult it was to organize people in my community, and who says the group can´t fail if all the participants essentially said they didn´t want to do it? I was tired of feeling like I was begging people to participate in their own development, tired of getting hopeful about something that materialized into nothing, tired of feeling foolish when no one showed up to something I spent hours preparing. I felt like cutting my losses.

I huffed and puffed, but then decided I shouldn´t take away two kids´ chances to go to a camp in the mountains of Chiriqui. The two jovenes that were always interested in the group were out of town, so I looked for two others to send. I found them, and off they went.

They loved it. They love Panama Verde. They met other group members, heard the work they did, and were enchanted by the idea of doing something good while also having a whole lot of fun. They want to continue with youth development and environmental work in QP. It was great. More than I could have asked for.

Now I am re-forming the group, trying to attract kids a little older than the ones that made up the first group. We had our first activity-- a bake sale-- last week to raise money for a bag of cement to make an eco-friendly stove for the school. A brand new model of stove that uses less wood, makes less smoke, and cooks more efficiently than the three-rock camp fire style that is so popular in homes here. It is a project that improves air quality and health. I hope it will give them something tangible to contribute to the community, and be something sustainable they can continue, if they choose, after I´m gone. I wanted to do a similar project with the other group, but it obviously had to be put on hold. The sale was a huge success, and also helped to get the word out about PV and also a potential stove project. (Annnnddd it made people really jealous of my mad baking skillz.)

Here´s to hoping it works out this time. I am apprently not allowed to quit, so I guess it has to. (haha) But I really love doing youth development stuff, and it usually ends up being more fun and rewarding than a lot of other work. I´ll give it another go.